Monday, July 05, 2004
And you wonder why moms beg for valium prescriptions??
We'd planned to go camping this weekend....it would've been his first camping trip. But the friends we were going with cancelled, due to two of their children being ill with strep throat. Add to that, the weather in STL was awful (rained most of the weekend), and we almost breathed an audible sigh of relief that we hadn't gone. After all, what good is camping if you can't go floating, hiking, or any other activity unless you wear a poncho? And dressing my puppy in a doggie-raincoat is a form of torture that I'm just not willing to subject her to.
So, we planned to go to Six Flags today....it would've been his first amusement park. But, we look at the weather forecast on weather.com, and it tells us that we'll only have clear skies until noon, at which time, the heavens will open and rain, thunder and lightning will ensue. That would suck, since most rides, attractions and the water park shut down when it rains.....was it really worth it to drop $70 on tickets and only be able to spend two hours there? We thought not.
So we talked and debated....do we take him to the Science Center? He loves it, and they have a space exhibit.......oh wait, he's going there on Wednesday with his summer-day-camp group (scratch that). What about the City Museum? Even cooler, totally loves it, stuff for grown-ups too......oh wait, he's going THERE next week with his summer-day-camp group (scratch again). And in this kiddo's particular case, if he's already been somewhere recently, he's not one to go back again soon. If he does, he complains about being bored, or spends the entire time telling anyone who'll listen *exactly* how much he knows about everything there. Really. You should hear it. He'll make an excellent tour guide (or a frightful Biochemical Engineering Professor) someday.....
Then, a flash of light - "Hey kiddo, if you could do anything today - go anywhere - where would you go?" His eyes got big and glassy as he stared off into space, lit up and then said "On a riverboat!" There! We could do that! It's been ages since I've been on one of the boats. Hell, I think the last time I went, I was 17, with my family on the 4th of July, and got completely stoned on the dock with my best friend before we went upstairs to put on our refracting-3D-style-wraparound-glasses and "ooo & aahhh" at the pretty sparklies. But I digress.......
So I hopped online to check out the rates - $10 for adults & $4 for kids. Waaayyyy cheaper than Six Flags. And an hour cruise down the river, complete with Missouri River & City History. We kenneled the puppy and hopped in the jeep to head downtown at 2:30 for the 3 p.m. cruise. Ten minute trip to downtown, and we'll be sailing slowly down the Big Muddy. Perfect!
Of course, little did I know (or stop to think, rather), that all of the downtown exits would be closed off due to clean-up from the annual Fair St. Louis, which would necessitate a 20-minute diversionary trip through downtown St. Louis to get to the riverfront (which would have taken approximately 3.5 minutes, had the downtown ramp been open). Nor did I know - (and the little guy on the phone didn't tell me) that we needed to be there 20 minutes prior to actual tour time. So we get there at 3:04, and the tour left at 3 p.m.
Figuring that we have at least an hour to kill now, we head over to Farrago, our friend Doug's coffee/movie/hangout place on Washington Ave., only to drive around the block 3 times to find a parking space, as the police have not yet removed the "no parking" banners from all of the meters on the street from the 4th of July.
There are two gentlemen (well, men anyway) sitting out front on the wicker settee, smoking and staring blankly into traffic. After pulling off the most perfect parallel parking job of my life, we drop a couple quarters into the meter, and walk to the door, to see a sign that says "On Monday, July 5th, Farrago will be closed from 11 a.m. - 5 p.m. for the holiday."
Ya have to laugh.
Piling back into the car, kiddo is now almost at the end of his rope. Tired of driving the city streets, his poor tired parents are now reduced to grunting answers to his incessant questioning of the history of every building in St. Louis.
We decide to just drive down to the dock and hang out while waiting for the next cruise at 4:30. Interesting combinations of tourists are swarming around....
a teenage girl in a hawaiian-print dress, her boyfriend walking behind her, slack-jawed, with a red hibiscus behind his ear....
Japanese tourists carrying cameras and snapping photos of everything - everything - smokestacks, driftwood, pictures of one another pointing to the driftwood......
An exhausted looking mother with what appeared to be a soda and/or vomit stain on her "Go USA!" t-shirt and no fewer than five redheaded, freckled, sweating, whiny children who were holding hands 'red-rover' style as they trailed behind her moaning variations of "maaaaa", as she muttered "let's just get back to the hotel and get some rest, okay?"
We get lemonade, tea and pretzels and hang out at the tables, listening to obnoxious, canned ragtime music, "yes sirrrrr, that's my babeeeeeey, no sirrrr, i don't mean maybeeeee." Kiddo decides to walk to the gated area where he can see the riverboat headed back to the dock. Two more tourists are taking pictures near him....two Hispanic men who appear to be in their early 20's, one of whom is wearing jeans that are far too tight and high, a la Steve Urkel. And my dear kiddo, being the "Let-me-tell-you-everything-I-know-in-five-minutes" kinda kid that he is, starts telling them all about riverboats, how they work, how deep the Mississippi River is, and that there's a Loch Ness Monster swimming around in it somewhere. They laugh and smile, look back at us and say something to one another. Then another of their friends comes over, and another, and another, until there is a small migrant-farmer-family gathered around my son and he's become obscured from my view. It makes me nervous for some reason, so I ask hubby to go get him so we can walk over and get in line for the boat ride. He does, and the family smiles sweetly at us...at least, I think it was sweetly....hard to tell. As we're walking away, I ask him if he made some new friends. "Yeah, they were nice. But they talk in Spanish and since I don't know any, I couldn't understand anything they were saying." Hubby and I grin at one another widely as kiddo asks us if he can learn some Spanish.
Walking to the other side and avoiding the gift shop (aka, over-priced crap that you don't need, but that your child will inevitably ask you to buy him), we step past the giant speaker pumping out "hello my babyyyyy, hello my honeyyyyy, hello my ragtime gaaaaaaaal," and line up with all of the other people who look tired, hot or hungover, and maybe all three.
Meanwhile, my perky, pervasively-focused child had glommed onto the fact that someone (GASP) had actually thrown an old soccer ball into the river, where it had entangled itself (or was hanging on for dear life) to the mountain of driftwood that had collected next to the dock.
"I'll bet it's really old.....maybe from ancient times! We should save it. It's so sad that the poor soccer ball will be stuck in the river forever...."
"I'm sure it won't be there forever, babe. Now and then, they clean up the river. Someone will get it out.....and recycle it," I added quickly, since he's recently become obsessed with the idea that ANYone could throw ANYthing away - "one man's trash is another man's treasure" is the comment he utters most frequently. And god forbid I don't check the pockets of any pair of shorts or jeans he wears these days. Our dryer filter is a veritable Blackbeard's nest egg.....
We walk around and get in line, hoping to get a decent seat on the boat so kiddo can see all of the things that the captain will point out along the way. As we're about 25 people back from the front and the line gets longer, we're feeling glad that we had the foresight to step up early. That is, until Johnny Linefucker, who apparently works for the riverboat company, starts telling people behind us to form another line next to us.....and then another to our right. I look to the ramp leading onto the boat - wide enough for one person to walk - and wonder why the hell we were in line in the first place.
And did I mention that I'm a bit demophobic? That is, I really don't like being in huge crowds of people. Small crowds, like a well-stocked elevator are one thing, but hundreds of people around me at one time? No. Which is why I generally stay away from things like county fairs, college-aged techno dance clubs and Promise Keeper conventions.
I mumble to myself, clench my jaw and breathe deeply, as this whole "one-hour-excursion" hasn't even gotten started, and we've now been downtown in sunshiny, 85-degree Missouri summer heat for two hours, sweating our asses off. (Yes, sunshiny......no thunderstorms.....at least, not until about 10 minutes ago, and it's now 8:15 p.m. - sigh).
But aside from the threats of hour-long time-outs unless he settled into a chair and stopped yelling at the top of his lungs, the trip was rather uneventful. Nice, relaxing, and Missouri-dripping-hot.
An hour later, and more well-educated than we were before, we exited the boat, went to the jeep, and drove home in ten minutes.
And anyhow, it’s not the destination, it’s the getting there…..right?
Right.
Diva-Mommy-Needs-A-Cup-of-Cocoa (maybe with some Bailey’s in it?),
Vi
