Tuesday, January 27, 2004
But I was just trying to HELP!!!
News you can use....you know....for dinner conversation....
Victoria, BC---A woman was arrested for beating a man with a Christmas tree after he complained that the gifts he was carrying were heavier than the tree that she was carrying.
Poor tree. (i'm kiiiiidding......)
Washington, DC—The American Medical Association incurred the wrath of abortion foes when it voted against including a warning in birth control packages about the drug's ability to prevent a fertilized egg from establishing itself in the womb. Family Research Council Advisory Board Member John Diggs, M.D. says manufacturers and the AMA are doing "a great disservice to women."
Dear John: Well, DUH – why the hell do you think we bought them in the first place, dumbass???
Georgetown, CO—Some local residents are demanding that the mayor, a former stripper named Koleen Brooks, step down. She has been accused of baring her breasts at a local tavern. Brooks denies the charge, but says she has flashed her assets in a nearby town. She says, "I'm vivacious. I'm a nut. I'm just a social butterfly who wants to bring this town together."
Every woman reading this is thinking “Holy cow. I would NEVER do that. How the hell did a stripper get elected to public office anyway??”
Every man reading this is calculating the cost of gas between his house and Georgetown, Colorado.
Amsterdam, the Netherlands—The telecom services firm Tring has drawn fire by offering vibrators to customers who buy mobile handsets and take out subscriptions. KPN Telecom, whose mobile service is being offered, and Finland's Nokia, which makes the telephones, have already condemned the "An in-depth conversation" ad campaign.
PCS – SHMEE-C-S. I want my vibrator!!
Yours in Eternal Divahood,
Vi
